If you were to steal a penguin from a wildlife park, what would you do?

  • When the penguin stealing would occur? Day or night?
  • How we would gain access to the facility? Do we even need to gain access to the facility?
  • How will we get past security?
  • How will we remain undetected?
  • How will the penguin be transported away from the facility?
  • How will we physically reach the penguin in the exhibit?
  • What resources are required?
  • How do we cover our tracks so as to not be caught?
  • Is there a way we can remove suspicion so that no penguin-napping is suspected?

Reconnaissance

Having a look around at the enclosure of the penguin’s abode, it looks like a ciruclar enclosure.
The enclosure is fenced off with glass panels, the door being key-locked.

So the plans to extract the target would either be.

  • Target goes through the door
  • Target goes above the fence
  • Target goes below the fence?
  • Attack goes into the enclosure

Aside: Fishing for eels

Most fish (is an eel a fish…?) can only swim fowards and turn - but they cannot swim backwards.
In Asian regions, bamboo tubes (one side closed, the other open) are placed into the water, with food placed at the end of the tube.
When the eel goes for the bait, they have to swim into the tube to eat the bait.
One they’ve fallen for the bait, they are unable to swim out of the tube - and therefore lie helpless and powerless against the farmers soon to arrive.

Aside: Fishing for monkeys

In Africa, they use boxes with candied nuts to catch monkeys.
This box is chained to a pole, and there is a hole just large enough to slide your hand in, but not large enough to pull out a fist.

The monkeys - wanting the candied nuts - reach inside box with their hands, and grab the candied nuts.
But in trying to pull their hands out, they cannot - as the hole is too small.

If you let go of the nuts, you would be free.
But if you keep holding on, you’ve lost.

So perhaps, it may be worthwhile to lure the penguins into a trap.

The Plan

Who

  • tHrEaT aCtOr 1 - You
  • Target - 🐧

What (do you need)

  • Bait - FIIIIISH (Penguins eat fish, right!?)
  • A plank or log, long enough
  • Bag / Cloth - preferably black (and breathable!)

How

  • Wait till night time :‘)
  • Place a plank/log into the enclosure, such that the plank/log sits on top of the fencing of the enclosure.
  • Get the attention of the penguins (ya’ll better be praying that the penguins are hungry) with the fish
  • Place the fish on the side of the plank/log, closest to the fence
  • Wait for the penguin(s) to climb onto the plank/log and walk towards the fence.
  • As the penguin eats the bait, slowly cover it with a black bag or cloth
  • Remove the plank/log
  • Nothing happened - carry on with life.

Technical

Avoiding Security

Unless you can disable or block out the security cameras, you will probably be seen.
So probably wear dark clothing, and wear gloves to hide your fingerprints.

Yeah, so this penguin-napping plan isn’t that amazing or anything.
There are h e a p s of more ingenious ideas.

What about fly an RC drone to pickup a penguin and fly away?
Or set up a giant jumping castle inside the enclosure and wait for them to fling out! Or, be boring and smash the glass.